i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
