yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
