Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
