Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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