I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
