My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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