Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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