I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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