Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize