i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
