Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
