btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
