just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize