Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
