Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
