Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
