weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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