i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
