Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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