If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
