As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
