someone owes me an orgasm
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
