a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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