so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Randomize
