Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
