you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
