I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
