i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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