i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
