sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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