I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
