i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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