i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
