Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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