Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
