something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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