When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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