i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
