I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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