dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
