people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Can I color on your dick again?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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