If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
