im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
