Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
