did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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