How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
