grandma shit on top of the toilet
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
