found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
