Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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