Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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