Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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