im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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