Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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