I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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