Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
