Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's never too late to be topless.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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