Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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