I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
