A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
