Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize