Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
