How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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