Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
