I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
