We're like a lot better than the average bears
Jerry, you need to find god
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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