Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
