laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
