Just took my morning after pill in the library
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
