You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
