why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
