Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
