I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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