I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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