i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
