tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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