I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
