We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
