Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
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It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
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...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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