On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
